Empathy

what is empathy?  it is something i have to practice at everyday as a lawyer, especially with the clients i serve.  it is something in my own life i feel like is very absent from the people around me.  I am frustrated and exhausted.  depleted.  i feel like everyday i am at war, and i am low on ammunition, my defenses are waning.  I got just enough time to rest and be positive and then i am blown down again.  Sometimes I wish the next blow would just be something more serious, something so utterly incapacitating that no one, and no one would expect me to just dust myself and start again.  

what has spawned all of this? another trip to an emergency room.  another emergency.  another confrontation with a societal  reaction, of "oh i am so sorry" but than sympathy and empathy being immediately depleted.  for people to want to care, and appear sympathetic, but who do not want be inconvenienced and who are questioning you the whole time, as to whether this is something truly serious or you are milking it, or telling me themselves how they are stronger and would have handle the whole situation better and actually believing it.  we've all been there.  thinking other people are whining or overreacting and should just suck it up because life delivers blows. or comparing it to their own experiences which were "worse."

i am tired of having to defend my point of view, the authenticity of my experiences, my life choice and decisions.  I am tired of taking responsibility for the misfortunes that happen to me.  i am just tired.  i am tired of disappointment - being disappointed by employers, friends, family members.  i know for every person who lets me down another one exceeds my expectations but it still hurts.  it still hurts.