Off my Game

I was excited to feel that I may have finally entered a certain flow -whereby my life has simplified and I can engage in a well rounded existence.  However, last night I was thrown off my game.  I am not sure what juncture I have reached at this moment, but nightlife doesn't appeal to me as it did for most of my 20s and I am by far more interested in some quiet time and proper rest to ensure I feel good.   I have pangs of guilt that this is not appropriate because, I am still young and single and should be "out there" but alas, I want to be true to myself and my feelings.  I believe I will always be the type of persons who seeks to live life to the fullest, but sometimes the conventional behaviors just no longer interest me as an outlet.   My neighbor, seems to still be living this prolonged youth of bumping his subwoofer at all hours of the night, and i have turned into the old grandma who repeated says - please turn it down I am trying to sleep.  Last night this erupted into a fit of rage, as I felt completely disrespected when my repeated requests to keep the noise down were ignored.   After an angry outburst, i could not sleep and everything was shifted off base.  I keep asking myself - have I lost my ability to be the laid back go with the flow, youthful person that i believe i am.  Or is this guy just really a punk who has no consideration for other people's living arrangements.   It seems like a silly dilemma, in some ways but it feels bigger to me because it represents this conflict I feel about where i fit in.   And also confirms worst fear of a living situation that will drive me out again and a reminder than any stability I ever achieve is totally illusory.  I am trying to be calm and proactive in resolving this conflict but am also fearful of another constant source of discord in my life.  I am not sure when i became so uncomfortable with discord that I want to bury myself in bed and avoid the world.   I work as a lawyer in an adversarial context, so it seems strange to me that i can let thing affect me.  However, what i have learned through counselling is that I've always had be on defense, defending my life choices all the time and when it comes back up, its all those feelings that haunt me.  Blaming myself for poor choices or explaining and justify who I am and what position I am in.  I am the kind of person who does go against the grain, and do whatever i want generally, but these confrontations bring back all these feelings of being prepared for battle 100 percent of the time.  And my body tenses as i am ready to take it on.   There probably is no real peace - the one i am chasing, it doesn't actually exist.  But I still crave it.