Career

so as i delve in to the job search, i inevitably question my career path because i don't have the qualifications that most people are looking for.

But then i remembered, that summer, when i was studying for the Bar, how at that time I decided to put myself before my career, then I after falling apart and breaking down my third year, I needed NOT to focus on my career but on myself. Ironically, bar review was a great opportunity to do this, and somehow, through my bizarrely functional depressive self, i was able to pass. And then I thought, do i need a break before i enter my career to fully heal myself, and luckily I found that my work in Chiang Mai, was both meaningful work but also nurtured me back to health. I actually was better off healing while being productive in an environment with flexibility and caring people behind a cause, then had i wallowed and indulged in my own despair alone.

I know my experience in Thailand doesn't translate well to the qualifications that organizations look for in job applicants. And I know i broke down my third year in law school in a high pressured environment. So inevitably i doubt myself.

But that's crazy! i must remind myself of the type of strength, endurance, independence, and all the strong attributes I needed to succeed here, and even it was a nurturing environment for me to heal myself, it doesn't' mean that it was this easy cushy non--challenging life.

Its not easy working outside of your country and cultural context
Its not easy learning another language while working in it
Its not easy throwing yourself in front of government officials or migrant women as a trainer and gaining their trust and respect and also mutual teaching and learning
Its not easy bridging gaps between community based work and national policy efforts and international mechanisms
Its not easy handling sicknesses and day to day challenges far away from families and support systems and familiarity

I didn't take 2.5 years "off" - out on holiday, i just sought challenges different than those from the law school environment and the legal world.

And just because a person reviewing job applications may or may not value it, doesn't mean i shouldn't value it myself.

It always feels that my public interst peers from law school, that they have what i refer to as the "golden ticket" that they face worry and insecurity but when they throw themselves out there, they find the right opportunities and move forward along their calculated path towards success.

I've never viewed myself as a "golden ticket" holder against them... i just know things don't come so easy for me. Maybe this is an inward flaw, because people on the outside might see the situation differently. But I guess, I must remind myself of what it means to be a "golden ticket" holder and sometimes its a very rigid path, and it lacks the type of "taking advantage of life itself" that my life has had, i.e. living abroad, connectng with activists from all over the world, being at the center of the community. I might not be a "golden ticket holder" but goddamn it, i will carve my career path out for myself and I will get my foot in the door no matter how painful or long it takes. And I will accumulate more awesome experiences along the way doing it.