people

so i am feeling particularly anti-social, and in fact when one of my good friends called me three times today and i finally had to answer (i was at gym beforehand) and i let her accompany me to a massage and dinner it felt like social torture for me. i had imagined the whole evening alone and i didn't want to talk at all, i didn't even want to listen, and in those moments she just seemed insanely self absorbed

but it is probably just me. i know its not good to wallow in my own crap, but it feels like when i am around others, i am just repressing my true feelings and its exhausting and just delays the inevitable. i am supposed to go to a wedding tomorrow morning and i might have to make an excuse cause i am not sure i can do the partaking...

i feel anxious, i feel negative, i feel sad.. and i just feel like being a hermit right now.