Trust

Trust is a bi*ch. Thats what throws me off. The one person I always thought I could rely just said some of the harshest words I have ever heard to me. Others tell me not to take it personally, but that alas is one of my inherent flaws, i generally take things personally. it takes a lot of training to undo it.

that's why the idea of me being in a relationship seems so ridiculously impossible. i can't imagine every trusting anyone that much. if there was ever a running theme in my life, it has been that cliche-d, you can rely on no one but yourself BS. its better when u keep running to new situations, because u never expect to be able to count on anyone really. then u don't worry about the idea of disappointed or feeling alone just seems totally normal.

my life in thailand still rocks. i have retired any long-term career concerns or life choice BS, and decided that as long as I am happy here, i will stay here. i am not going to act prematurely based on unsubstantiated predictions. i am not buying into that way of thought, in fact i've fought successfully against it for a long time, so I am just going to retire even considering it.

here is the thing, growing pains will hit me no matter where i am. that's life.