Self Doubt

Yes - its back. My journey back into self-doubt has started. I think my honeymoon is over - and though i can rejoice at the thought that I have finally let go the constant comparison to my dissatisfcation with my law school experience, the fact that I am no longer considering it, means i am taking a look at my current set of circumstance purely on their own merit, which means i am quesitoning everything and myself... as is my godawful nature to do so.

Do i have any conclusions from this internal exercise which is so exhausting? No not really. I think the conclusion I've reached is that i need to let go of this constant need for progress and improvement within my life. I need to adopt a true Eastern mentaility and one that jives better with my age and stage of my career. Which is just take each day as it comes and do what is set before you... and let go of the need for answers to questions like where I do i truly belong and what direction am i heading in and how does this all add up in my life narrative. I really have a split personality when it comes to these things... I have this indulgent spontaneous and lazy side of me mixed in with this restless, driven and calculated aspect.

oh well. i blame it on the season. well -here it is hot season but March is always a confusing month for me. I like the idea that it is March because it means when March ends so will this strange mood I've been in since I got back from India.