3 Month Hump

So, I am reaching my three month hump in my new relationship with Thailand. When I was a teenager, I noticed that when me and my peers reached a three month hump with a new relationship, there was always a period of questioning & uncertainty - re-evaluation, etcetera. I was recently told by my friend that this is now the "three year hump" but I haven't quite matured since age 15 when it comes to committing to anyone or anything...

When I was in New Orleans in 2007 Summer, I had one of the most awesome and challenging experiences along with fun and crazy. I also had my first bouts of anxiety in my life, where I worried about my future:

See Post Called: 26
http://the-zen-of-chaos.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-am-26.html

I have since abandoned that anxiety
I am no longer desperately looking for answers but occasionally I do re-visit these questions... :

Right direction for Career Path? What does that even mean? I have a fancy law degree and plenty of credentials and contacts and I am working for an organization and cause that is what i am deeply committed to. I take a huge sigh of relief as I am over the hump of high education and never have to go back to school or do anymore "professional development" What more do I need? I do still wonder about the stupid international vs. domestic divide in my work and whether or not I could have a career here in Thailand without Thai skills and whether or not it is going to be enormously difficult to transition into litigation when/if I go back to the US and whether potential employers will not only not see my experience here as irrelevant but also that it could work against me. I also think abut how to gain Spanish skills to be able to work with immigrants more effectively and make myself more marketable and occasionally i wonder if my vacation away from traditional legal work will make me forget how to do it. But usually after I think about all of this, i decide to forget it all and live in the now and have faith that all the hard work I put in before will mean that I will be able to find opportunities for whatever i want to do. I remind myself that I've been bullheaded ever since I the 11th grade when I started making decisions about my education and work against everyone's advice and have succesfully paved a way up until now on my own terms.

City, friendships, balance? Chiang mai is a city that suits my personality, I've found many people who fill my life with joy and intimate friendships, my work gives me a sense of fulfillment (at least enough to know that its a right fit for me), I feel reassured that I have a stamina for hard work but that I must complement it with a healthy balance and draw boundaries. I accept that balance is a thing in my life that I will have to constantly strive for and be conscious of because it has an enormous impact on my mood, mental and emotional health but that it is totally not something to be ashamed of or view as weakness.

Have I grown up at all? Yes! I should not question this. I felt it during my post-bar trip... I've come a far way and I have had profound experiences in so many different areas, and I should celebrate my youth and youth-like nature. I am 27 and I have no husband no children and no extensive responsibilities beyond paying off my loans from law school with my salary. I should enjoy and soak in each moment, have fun especially because I had periods of real bleakness in law school. I have taken such enormous strides with my career and PERSONAL GROWTH through constantly seeking new and challenging experiences and pushing myself. I cannot compare myself to anyone else at my age because we all take different paths and choose to value and prioritzie different things and NONE of us is completely confident that we have accomplsihed and expererienced it all. I made all my choices on my own and revelled i the majority of my experiences so I have no regrets. And I can feel how those experiences have made me calmer, more confident, and able to now enjoy a lot more in different ways.

Am I only happy in the short-term? Is there a part of me that still struggles with my adolescent depression? After a painful summer of a lot of questions --- I think I can honestly say that I react very strongly to environments that i feel put me in a straight jacket. I must avoid these type of environments to ensure my happiness. I can be happy, I am happy and will accept and welcome periods of unhappiness as well as long as I can avoid the environments that are harmful to my health. I feel I can now, confidently recognize those environments and should not have a problem avoiding them in future. Even if a part of me knew that law school always posed that risk and I wonder whether it was worth it to go through it with the side effects -- its over now, so no point in second guessing myself or re-hashing the past.


am i going to be able to draw boundaries? do i have to come to terms with recurring burn out? can i burn out from a personal and professional life at the same time? what actually makes me feel re-charged at the end of the day? is television my only reliable refuge?

I can draw boundaries and do not have to burn out and I can find a personal life that recharges me, especially outside of new york city and law school. my personal life has usually always helped to recharge me. I have re-discovered so many things that I enjoy and re-charge me: good meals, exercise, pampering, books, friends.... its all so normal all over again.

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okay i have to go to US embassy now, i'll finish my evaluation later! :)