I am not a lawyer!

I am not a Lawyer, i am a STUDENT of the law, and it is not my goddman fricking identity, and not everything I do is from a legal perspective or with a legal angle or as "lawyers do" --- I am Reena, I am person beyond that and I comprised of so many more experiences and challenges than that.

I am so fed up. I am so fed up of thinking about my future and of categories and tracks and all that nonsense. I am fed up of ideas of what it means to be an "organizer" and what it means to be "lawyer" and what other dividing lines that exist.

I am so incredibly dumb-founded by the fact that I took advice, I TOOK THE ADVICE to be more "lawyerly" - to learn the detail-oriented, research & writing, and ways of thinking because i was told, it is good to IMPROVE your weaknesses, because there is no point in only trying to capitalize on your strengths.....

And now all of a sudden I am being defined by my weaknesses -- the stuff that was painful for me to learn and overcome and my natural strengths, my relational and people-centered skills are falling to the wayside and seen as weaknesses.

F- This, I want out of this profession and I want out now. I want out of this country and people's preconceived notions and I want to go now. I want to stop battling with myself to defend or define myself and I want to be comortable.

I am tired of all the thought processes that consume me about where I belong in this world when I feel like an outcast everywhere and yet appear to assimilate and retain a strong sense of identity.

i feel myself giving up, i feel myself shutting down. I have had such an amazingly wonderful summer and working and personal life and now -out of nowhere- -all of a sudden- i am ready to disengage.

over what? its not just the here and now, its the projection of here and now and what it means to the future and how it weighs in on the choices I make and the opportunities available to me.

I mean this is what my professor said to me:
I recognize that you have been conducting a course within a course. You use the serious injustices suffered by aliens who for offenses, serious or not, face deportation to countries where they have not been for many years and where they know no one, meanwhile being separated from spouses, children and family many of whom are now U.S. citizens, as reasons for learning effective lawyering not much taught in the law school save in the clinics. You teach as well the limits of respect for law that can and does do such harm to mostly powerless people. A great job. Bell

You can do the more traditional op-ed writing when you care to, but you seem more ready to comment on the whole process and sort of view the law and society from the bleachers rather than the front lines. From your vantage point, you are not avoiding the fray, but observing it often painfully from a perspective you might not otherwise have.

Your views are to the left of most in the class and would be deemed suspect and even dangerous by most outside the classroom.

How do I reconcile all these different commentaries? What do I do?