tomorrow

if i go to sleep now.
tomorrow will show up sooner
and i am supposed to be better
and i am just not sure i am better

i can take a vacation from my emotions
but alone in my home
they absolutely paralyze me
and as i sit to find one more DVRed program
to numb myself
I am tempted over and over
by the purple bath matt

cause in those seconds I get that rush of energy
which propels me into action
but today the energy expired quickly
and i've underestimated just how numb
i've gotten

so i google and i type and i sit
shackled to the keyboard
trying search words that will provide me
a low level form of entertainment
with hopes of a sense of productivity
and accomplishment
that might not make me hate myself right now
cause i am pretty sure i hate myself right now

as the time slips from me
i am still scared to go to sleep
cause in these moments i at least know
in my heart that i am not healed yet
but tomorrow i might just be forced to pretend.