Who says you can't escape from your life? Well at least one version of your life to another. I left the New Orleans chaotic storm of desperate need/Los Angeles professional identity crisis to the simple New Delhi World of lehenga shopping (the Indian outfits with the short top and long skirt for those who don't know) and family wars. How fun? And with New Delhi I escaped the first week of envelope stuffing meet and greet and pretend to care of law school and depressing reality of 8 more months in that culture.... I escaped the first week but much of it and more is awaiting my return.
THE BEST ESCAPE: the Bollywood movie. I mean that's why they are made? In the US the romatic comedy is some fantasy that your life is supposed to STRIVE for, and frankly I hate it. On the other hand the Bollywood is so fantastical and nonsensical that no one in India or anywhere would ever imagine life to play out that way...right? I mean living in a small remote village it was like being whisked away......but you never underappreciated your life as a result.
I was told i was not "imaginative" recently -- I was as a youth. But as an adult I find it depressing, like it is a sign of being dissatisfied with your surroundings. Or liek you were waiting for something to happen.... i.e. to fall in love which i still think its bullshit. My boss tried to teach me imagination still had a useful place in your life.... I am always trying to reflect reflect and analyze... it exhausting.
And what has been so profound is that despite the constant confrontation of Reena, pick your life path by people, I have actually remained totally resistant. Like, I still don't know. And I am okay with it. Personally, at least with myself. It drives me crazy if I have to provide someone else an answer, cause frankly I feel like I am conjuring up whatever will satisfy them. But it doesn't mean that I am only trying ot satisfy other people, I am just like not feeling driven in a certain direction right now. Other times in my life I have been. I am not right now.
So in India, instead of meditating on the many choices that lie ahead of me in my life, I have sorta just started to imagine. I have vivid ridiculous dreams. I watch the Bold and the Beautiful soap opera and it doesn't make me consider my own life. Its ridiculous. I don't reflect on my identity of being Indian and American -- I have chosen not to sit and consider whether or not I could live in New Delhi when I graduate or work here, I have simply made an outfit just like Aishwarya Rai's in Bunty or Babli and imagine myself doing the dance. (which I have to learn).
I am not going to lie, the stress is still somewhere roaming in me, and when my sister snaps at me and tries to advise me on "getting my work done" -- I get riled up and emotional and I want to hit her. I just want to be neither here nor there nor anywhere.
Showing posts with label New Orleans and Summer 2007. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Orleans and Summer 2007. Show all posts
Friday, August 31, 2007
Monday, August 06, 2007
i am 26
and I am desperately looking for answers...
like am I on the right direction with my career path? What opportunities do I pursue after the disorienting experience of law school that will give me a sense of fulfillment? What kind of people fill my life with joy? What kind of stamina and ability to sacrifice do I really have? What is a healthy balance? What city suits my personality? Where can I go, what can I do that will allow me to meet people that make my heart jump?
sometimes i rejoice in being 26, sometimes I can look back at the last ten years and feel really proud of all the amazing experiences i have had the diversity and breadth of them (as I have said before). other times i think i am pathetic at 26. have i grown up at all? is trying to party and get drunk three nights in a row and talk to a guy in a band just frankly pathetic at my age? am i making the right kind of decision to really drive my personal growth going forward? not just career growth, not just the learning curve of how to file a lawsuit, (to allege a claim under Civil Rico there must be a proper distinction between person and enterprise... ) --- or what immigration filings are associatied with H-2B Visa workers (an employer must fill out an I-129 and receive an I-797...). How do I even define personal growth?
am i only happy in the short-term? there is a huge part of me that is ready for the new orleans experience to be over. like i want to escape from what was supposed to be my escape in the first place. i tried a new formula and it didn't work. will any formula ever work? i am i easy person to feel fulfilled in the short-term but once i have to take stock of the pluses and negatives and truly understand them in a situaton, do I get boggled down? is there a part of me that still struggles with my adolescent depression? should i be in therapy? do i beleive in therapy anymore?
am i going to be able to draw boundaries? do i have to come to terms with recurring burn out? can i burn out from a personal and professional life at the same time? what actually makes me feel re-charged at the end of the day? is television my only reliable refuge?
should i have at least experienced one long-term committed relationship by this age? woudl I still have done all the things i wanted to do if I had? am i selfish? is it strange i'd like to have a child but i still don't have a desire to get married? would a relationship foster my personal growth in a more real way?
am I moody? am i delusional about myself? am I overly self-aware? am i hypersensitive? am I still fighting elementary insecurities? do i like myself? is my confidence bravado or serious?
is my absorption with making tough choices absolutely ridiculous and just a sign of someone who is too privelged? do i really need answers or do I just need to chill?
my father says that a hindu philospher said "you will only ever be as happy as you are today" -- does that mean that none of this choices have any effect on my happiness, and its just all my fault? if i believe that, does that mean I have to blame myself? isnt' that what battling with depression was all about, learning how not to blame myself? is there such a thing as an inner-solitude?
do i just become overwhemed with everythign cause I am tired? is it really not that deep? am i emotionally intelligent or have i lost my ability to just live in the moment? why as i have become more competent am i less eager to do anything for the causes I believe in? why do i not want to drive to Mississippi at the drop of a hat? do i know how to really succesffuly draw boundaries? can i say no? can i not feel guilty about it?
am i anxious? am i worried? am i scared? have i always been like this?
am i different because of law school? was it a big mistake? would i be struggling with these things no matter what?
do i have a right to get annoyed? is it okay to expect more from your people to be your friends? is okay to hate the antagonism of straight men?
the last questions is it okay to like the song "big girls don't cry" by fergie even though you generally can't stand her as an artist? I think the answer is yes!
i leave you with the chorus:
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center,
Clarity, Peace, Serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm not gonna miss you like a child misses theirblanket
Cause I've gotta move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry
like am I on the right direction with my career path? What opportunities do I pursue after the disorienting experience of law school that will give me a sense of fulfillment? What kind of people fill my life with joy? What kind of stamina and ability to sacrifice do I really have? What is a healthy balance? What city suits my personality? Where can I go, what can I do that will allow me to meet people that make my heart jump?
sometimes i rejoice in being 26, sometimes I can look back at the last ten years and feel really proud of all the amazing experiences i have had the diversity and breadth of them (as I have said before). other times i think i am pathetic at 26. have i grown up at all? is trying to party and get drunk three nights in a row and talk to a guy in a band just frankly pathetic at my age? am i making the right kind of decision to really drive my personal growth going forward? not just career growth, not just the learning curve of how to file a lawsuit, (to allege a claim under Civil Rico there must be a proper distinction between person and enterprise... ) --- or what immigration filings are associatied with H-2B Visa workers (an employer must fill out an I-129 and receive an I-797...). How do I even define personal growth?
am i only happy in the short-term? there is a huge part of me that is ready for the new orleans experience to be over. like i want to escape from what was supposed to be my escape in the first place. i tried a new formula and it didn't work. will any formula ever work? i am i easy person to feel fulfilled in the short-term but once i have to take stock of the pluses and negatives and truly understand them in a situaton, do I get boggled down? is there a part of me that still struggles with my adolescent depression? should i be in therapy? do i beleive in therapy anymore?
am i going to be able to draw boundaries? do i have to come to terms with recurring burn out? can i burn out from a personal and professional life at the same time? what actually makes me feel re-charged at the end of the day? is television my only reliable refuge?
should i have at least experienced one long-term committed relationship by this age? woudl I still have done all the things i wanted to do if I had? am i selfish? is it strange i'd like to have a child but i still don't have a desire to get married? would a relationship foster my personal growth in a more real way?
am I moody? am i delusional about myself? am I overly self-aware? am i hypersensitive? am I still fighting elementary insecurities? do i like myself? is my confidence bravado or serious?
is my absorption with making tough choices absolutely ridiculous and just a sign of someone who is too privelged? do i really need answers or do I just need to chill?
my father says that a hindu philospher said "you will only ever be as happy as you are today" -- does that mean that none of this choices have any effect on my happiness, and its just all my fault? if i believe that, does that mean I have to blame myself? isnt' that what battling with depression was all about, learning how not to blame myself? is there such a thing as an inner-solitude?
do i just become overwhemed with everythign cause I am tired? is it really not that deep? am i emotionally intelligent or have i lost my ability to just live in the moment? why as i have become more competent am i less eager to do anything for the causes I believe in? why do i not want to drive to Mississippi at the drop of a hat? do i know how to really succesffuly draw boundaries? can i say no? can i not feel guilty about it?
am i anxious? am i worried? am i scared? have i always been like this?
am i different because of law school? was it a big mistake? would i be struggling with these things no matter what?
do i have a right to get annoyed? is it okay to expect more from your people to be your friends? is okay to hate the antagonism of straight men?
the last questions is it okay to like the song "big girls don't cry" by fergie even though you generally can't stand her as an artist? I think the answer is yes!
i leave you with the chorus:
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center,
Clarity, Peace, Serenity
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm not gonna miss you like a child misses theirblanket
Cause I've gotta move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I am not a lawyer!
I am not a Lawyer, i am a STUDENT of the law, and it is not my goddman fricking identity, and not everything I do is from a legal perspective or with a legal angle or as "lawyers do" --- I am Reena, I am person beyond that and I comprised of so many more experiences and challenges than that.
I am so fed up. I am so fed up of thinking about my future and of categories and tracks and all that nonsense. I am fed up of ideas of what it means to be an "organizer" and what it means to be "lawyer" and what other dividing lines that exist.
I am so incredibly dumb-founded by the fact that I took advice, I TOOK THE ADVICE to be more "lawyerly" - to learn the detail-oriented, research & writing, and ways of thinking because i was told, it is good to IMPROVE your weaknesses, because there is no point in only trying to capitalize on your strengths.....
And now all of a sudden I am being defined by my weaknesses -- the stuff that was painful for me to learn and overcome and my natural strengths, my relational and people-centered skills are falling to the wayside and seen as weaknesses.
F- This, I want out of this profession and I want out now. I want out of this country and people's preconceived notions and I want to go now. I want to stop battling with myself to defend or define myself and I want to be comortable.
I am tired of all the thought processes that consume me about where I belong in this world when I feel like an outcast everywhere and yet appear to assimilate and retain a strong sense of identity.
i feel myself giving up, i feel myself shutting down. I have had such an amazingly wonderful summer and working and personal life and now -out of nowhere- -all of a sudden- i am ready to disengage.
over what? its not just the here and now, its the projection of here and now and what it means to the future and how it weighs in on the choices I make and the opportunities available to me.
I mean this is what my professor said to me:
I recognize that you have been conducting a course within a course. You use the serious injustices suffered by aliens who for offenses, serious or not, face deportation to countries where they have not been for many years and where they know no one, meanwhile being separated from spouses, children and family many of whom are now U.S. citizens, as reasons for learning effective lawyering not much taught in the law school save in the clinics. You teach as well the limits of respect for law that can and does do such harm to mostly powerless people. A great job. Bell
You can do the more traditional op-ed writing when you care to, but you seem more ready to comment on the whole process and sort of view the law and society from the bleachers rather than the front lines. From your vantage point, you are not avoiding the fray, but observing it often painfully from a perspective you might not otherwise have.
Your views are to the left of most in the class and would be deemed suspect and even dangerous by most outside the classroom.
How do I reconcile all these different commentaries? What do I do?
I am so fed up. I am so fed up of thinking about my future and of categories and tracks and all that nonsense. I am fed up of ideas of what it means to be an "organizer" and what it means to be "lawyer" and what other dividing lines that exist.
I am so incredibly dumb-founded by the fact that I took advice, I TOOK THE ADVICE to be more "lawyerly" - to learn the detail-oriented, research & writing, and ways of thinking because i was told, it is good to IMPROVE your weaknesses, because there is no point in only trying to capitalize on your strengths.....
And now all of a sudden I am being defined by my weaknesses -- the stuff that was painful for me to learn and overcome and my natural strengths, my relational and people-centered skills are falling to the wayside and seen as weaknesses.
F- This, I want out of this profession and I want out now. I want out of this country and people's preconceived notions and I want to go now. I want to stop battling with myself to defend or define myself and I want to be comortable.
I am tired of all the thought processes that consume me about where I belong in this world when I feel like an outcast everywhere and yet appear to assimilate and retain a strong sense of identity.
i feel myself giving up, i feel myself shutting down. I have had such an amazingly wonderful summer and working and personal life and now -out of nowhere- -all of a sudden- i am ready to disengage.
over what? its not just the here and now, its the projection of here and now and what it means to the future and how it weighs in on the choices I make and the opportunities available to me.
I mean this is what my professor said to me:
I recognize that you have been conducting a course within a course. You use the serious injustices suffered by aliens who for offenses, serious or not, face deportation to countries where they have not been for many years and where they know no one, meanwhile being separated from spouses, children and family many of whom are now U.S. citizens, as reasons for learning effective lawyering not much taught in the law school save in the clinics. You teach as well the limits of respect for law that can and does do such harm to mostly powerless people. A great job. Bell
You can do the more traditional op-ed writing when you care to, but you seem more ready to comment on the whole process and sort of view the law and society from the bleachers rather than the front lines. From your vantage point, you are not avoiding the fray, but observing it often painfully from a perspective you might not otherwise have.
Your views are to the left of most in the class and would be deemed suspect and even dangerous by most outside the classroom.
How do I reconcile all these different commentaries? What do I do?
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Subtextual Plays!
so... here's the thing.... i know I am perceptive person but i also know that I am overanalytical so I try to strike a balance.... like I try not to dig to deep, which I realized with my recent everyday friends over the last two years, in new york and law school aren't fans of, but I also know that my instinctual feelings about situations generally prevail as right and me understanding them, which often means talking through it, pushes me in a good direction of improving things.
So i am a little crazy, admittedly but I kind of envision what goes on in my head as a sub-textual play. Like there are four of us in a room, hanging out having a conversation, but then there all these cues in the sub-text... like what motivated that person to say that? what are they reacting to ? what are their goals... and I have this entire dialgoue that is like a sub-textual play of everything that goes around me. So Mary Q. says "i am planning on going kayaking" and the extra dialogye in my head is "Mary Q. is attempting an open invitation, encouraging participation of others, secretly hoping someone will join her while at the same time making strides to demonstrate her own independence."
So - its not like there is ALWAYS this play but often there - is. And its exhausting. Mostly when the subtext is filled with insecurity, competitiveness, jealousy --- i mean if the subtext is attraction it can be fun, right? Understanding the subtext helps me assimilate to new situations, it helps me come into a new work environment and understand inter-personal dynamics and find my place, it helps me know how to respond and react to people in a positive manner. I try to undersand the own sub-textual vibes and dialogue I put out to others.
But I like situations where there is NONE - no play going on, where there is honesty and comfort and just fun. Where i am not part of the play, other folks are not and we all live happying ever after.
So i am a little crazy, admittedly but I kind of envision what goes on in my head as a sub-textual play. Like there are four of us in a room, hanging out having a conversation, but then there all these cues in the sub-text... like what motivated that person to say that? what are they reacting to ? what are their goals... and I have this entire dialgoue that is like a sub-textual play of everything that goes around me. So Mary Q. says "i am planning on going kayaking" and the extra dialogye in my head is "Mary Q. is attempting an open invitation, encouraging participation of others, secretly hoping someone will join her while at the same time making strides to demonstrate her own independence."
So - its not like there is ALWAYS this play but often there - is. And its exhausting. Mostly when the subtext is filled with insecurity, competitiveness, jealousy --- i mean if the subtext is attraction it can be fun, right? Understanding the subtext helps me assimilate to new situations, it helps me come into a new work environment and understand inter-personal dynamics and find my place, it helps me know how to respond and react to people in a positive manner. I try to undersand the own sub-textual vibes and dialogue I put out to others.
But I like situations where there is NONE - no play going on, where there is honesty and comfort and just fun. Where i am not part of the play, other folks are not and we all live happying ever after.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
I don't speak Spanish!
I don't speak Spanish
And here is why:
1) I took French, like an idiot, in school - following the footsteps of my two older sisters, never learned how to speak AT ALL and never invested into bothering. I actually hate France as well and am fairly certain I won't end up in West Africa - though I am not ruling it out
2) I wanted to focus on Asia & Eastern Africa - I thought every white kid i know who does international work learned Spanish and travelled to Latin America and that was never my area of interest so I didn't need to learn Spanish. Better to learn Burmese.
3) I focused on Hindi. Learning Hindi for me was not just about being actually bilungual (well almost bilungual) but getting in touch with my roots. And I also didn't feel a need to cultural appropiate the whole Latina movement.
BUT THE REASONS ARE ALL DUMB DUMB DUMB. Before law school I had plans to move to Mexico and learn through emersions and classes but I chose a different route.
And it makes me self-concious, could i ever really do immigrant rights work here? Could I learn Spanish realistically at this age? If I tried my hardest would there still not be enough time or energy with focusing on school and career? If language is more than language and also culture - could I succesfully traverse those boundaries? Could i ever really relate to my clients?
After failing at French, I regained confident in my ability to learn languages from immersiions in Tanzania with kiswahili and immersions in India with Hindi but my mastery is far from even complete with those...
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable as an activist in the US cause i don't feel like I really belong -- not in the movement for blacks or for Latinas.. And i don't really claim to stand for immigrant rights because i am child of immigrants because my father came, at least partially from the professional class and my family was not driven from economic need but privelege. Yes, they started off with nothing here, my dad a taxi cab driver (totally stereotype) but that is not the world i grew up into. But I thought I felt a bit more comofrtable in this world....
I always want to feel close to the communities I serve. I am proud of my own heritage and am trying to use my privelege productively but sometimes I just feel like a perpetual outsider and I can't tell if it anything is the right fit for me.
And here is why:
1) I took French, like an idiot, in school - following the footsteps of my two older sisters, never learned how to speak AT ALL and never invested into bothering. I actually hate France as well and am fairly certain I won't end up in West Africa - though I am not ruling it out
2) I wanted to focus on Asia & Eastern Africa - I thought every white kid i know who does international work learned Spanish and travelled to Latin America and that was never my area of interest so I didn't need to learn Spanish. Better to learn Burmese.
3) I focused on Hindi. Learning Hindi for me was not just about being actually bilungual (well almost bilungual) but getting in touch with my roots. And I also didn't feel a need to cultural appropiate the whole Latina movement.
BUT THE REASONS ARE ALL DUMB DUMB DUMB. Before law school I had plans to move to Mexico and learn through emersions and classes but I chose a different route.
And it makes me self-concious, could i ever really do immigrant rights work here? Could I learn Spanish realistically at this age? If I tried my hardest would there still not be enough time or energy with focusing on school and career? If language is more than language and also culture - could I succesfully traverse those boundaries? Could i ever really relate to my clients?
After failing at French, I regained confident in my ability to learn languages from immersiions in Tanzania with kiswahili and immersions in India with Hindi but my mastery is far from even complete with those...
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable as an activist in the US cause i don't feel like I really belong -- not in the movement for blacks or for Latinas.. And i don't really claim to stand for immigrant rights because i am child of immigrants because my father came, at least partially from the professional class and my family was not driven from economic need but privelege. Yes, they started off with nothing here, my dad a taxi cab driver (totally stereotype) but that is not the world i grew up into. But I thought I felt a bit more comofrtable in this world....
I always want to feel close to the communities I serve. I am proud of my own heritage and am trying to use my privelege productively but sometimes I just feel like a perpetual outsider and I can't tell if it anything is the right fit for me.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Working is better than SCHOOL
So as per the obvious, working is so superior to being in school! at least for me. :)
Let me describe my weekend ---- on Friday I rode my bike home from work in my jean dress and gold strap up sandals after having an improptu Thai dinner with folks at work where we discussed the insolvable issues regarding guestworkers... after that i deadened my brain with three episodes of the Real World Reunited which never ceases to make me feel like a better human being to see the train wrecks on television. I watched with my roommates, who concurred in its ridicule. Thereupon I went out with my roomate Shanti to meet up with friends of her younger brother and we danced at this ridiculous dance club that was empty but had $3 drinks and an amazing DJ who rocked out PYT by Michael Jackson along with Blowin the wind by Trick Daddy. On Saturday I woke up to decide I didnt' really want to leave my bed and watched DVDs on flat screen in bed interrupted with an excursion to the super-market, delicious new age mexican, and oysters with my other roomate. Sat night consitisting sat on porch of a bar listening to live hip hop (not that good) and ran off to eat beignets and have a cafe au lait at midnight. Woke up early Sunday to attend Boot Camp at the gym, 2 hours of gruelling workout and then I sat in the Jacuzzi luxuriously, rode my bike home and took an amazing nap. I cooked a couple of Indian dishes afterwards, full on home cooking, showered and gobbled up to follow up with watching March of the Penguins before having dreams of visas and legal memos. tee hee.
I cook, I hang out, I dance, I sleep, I watch TV, I relax, I work on what I care about with people who care.
No meetings, no homework, no formiddable exhaustion, no depression.
:)
Okay so today was a total bust at work as i got caught in the rain and ran around the city searching for a bank that would let my friend take out money after losting wallet and came home and can't concentrate..... but it doesn't phase me. Cause I am on top of it.
even though i sometimes get a wave of anxiety thinking about next year or post-graduation i mostly just soak it - the good-- all up. i soak it all up.
Let me describe my weekend ---- on Friday I rode my bike home from work in my jean dress and gold strap up sandals after having an improptu Thai dinner with folks at work where we discussed the insolvable issues regarding guestworkers... after that i deadened my brain with three episodes of the Real World Reunited which never ceases to make me feel like a better human being to see the train wrecks on television. I watched with my roommates, who concurred in its ridicule. Thereupon I went out with my roomate Shanti to meet up with friends of her younger brother and we danced at this ridiculous dance club that was empty but had $3 drinks and an amazing DJ who rocked out PYT by Michael Jackson along with Blowin the wind by Trick Daddy. On Saturday I woke up to decide I didnt' really want to leave my bed and watched DVDs on flat screen in bed interrupted with an excursion to the super-market, delicious new age mexican, and oysters with my other roomate. Sat night consitisting sat on porch of a bar listening to live hip hop (not that good) and ran off to eat beignets and have a cafe au lait at midnight. Woke up early Sunday to attend Boot Camp at the gym, 2 hours of gruelling workout and then I sat in the Jacuzzi luxuriously, rode my bike home and took an amazing nap. I cooked a couple of Indian dishes afterwards, full on home cooking, showered and gobbled up to follow up with watching March of the Penguins before having dreams of visas and legal memos. tee hee.
I cook, I hang out, I dance, I sleep, I watch TV, I relax, I work on what I care about with people who care.
No meetings, no homework, no formiddable exhaustion, no depression.
:)
Okay so today was a total bust at work as i got caught in the rain and ran around the city searching for a bank that would let my friend take out money after losting wallet and came home and can't concentrate..... but it doesn't phase me. Cause I am on top of it.
even though i sometimes get a wave of anxiety thinking about next year or post-graduation i mostly just soak it - the good-- all up. i soak it all up.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
No News is Good News in NOLA
So as alluded to in previous posts, which I have tried to file away along with everything from last semester --- I like change -- and I am fully involved in a fresh new experience in New Orleans and loving it. And just as when I called my mom yesterday while my work folks were having a conversation --- she was happy to have NOT heard from me, cause she knows with me that no news is usually good news -- and means I am having an excellent time.
And I am having an excellent time and have been ever since the very last day of classes. :) I think for a minute I was still wondering a lot about next year, my last year in school and what to do to make it a fruitful and enjoyable one. Meaning not at either end of the extremes of 1st or 2nd year --- but eventually I started living in the moment and really really enjoying it.
Hawaii was nearly perfect zen - of course- but another huge benefit was that it solidifed an important friendship for me which is a huge asset to have in my life. I did work while I was away and though I came back into chaos with the case I had been working on -- good fortune came our way and the case settled, a victory for my client, the organizng group (Women's Worker Project - deals with domestic workers, part of CAAAV) and the clinic. I wrapped up my other big project, an amicus brief, and even though I sat in the office after many had already departed - I felt an enormously high level of satisfaction seeing the close of two projects that had consumed my entire existence.
Before leaving for New Orleans I got to see people who are dearly important to me and just enjoy their company - not personally absorbed with all the imbalance that was my life. I felt normal. :)
New Orleans is fantastic because I've got a stellar group of roommates whose company I absolutely enjoy and whom are my "little family." We just have fun and do summer stuff and go to festivals and drink in the evenings and grill out together. And we entertain one another and all love hip hop music and celebrate R. Kelly's music. Did I mention our five bedroom house is unbelivable? with TVs in every room - gorgeous furniture and tons of space. Its almost like a summer retreat...
Except I am working hard, but I like the hard work I am doing. I am preparing a law suit for a group of guestworkers who came to this country on a temporary visa and whose employer exploited them --- even stealing their passports. We are working hard to show that that the H2-B Visa program is a modern-form of slavery. I am working with incredible lawyers based in LA who I had the wonderful chance to meet at a two day training here and a group of community organizers here in new orleans whose dedication to the work is tremondous and all just have a wonderful personal vibe to them. I felt comfortable around everyone immediately. :)
I have been reflecting a lot on the wonderful experiences I have had in my life that made me the person I am today - and although this adventure is temporary, as is so many of the things I am involved with - I can't help but get nostaligc over both the breadth and wealth of experiences I have been fortunate to have in my life.
The work I am doing now, it makes me feel like a lawyer - it shows me that although the law is not the grand solution for most of the problems in society - it still is a tool people rely on and that now I can actually - shockingly, feel like I can help facilitate it for others. I was so unbelievably lucky to have done the clinical program and be in the Immigrant Rights clinic this year because after all the challenges involved, it developed a competence inme. Tt finally gave me this sense that I have something to offer an organization. And its not just the clinic but is also my legal education. So just like everyone has always reminded me, the one-dimensional world I work in through the school year empowers me to tackle on the world when I get to be a "whole Reena."
So I haven't had a lot of those amazing experiences that make me feel alive over the past two years, but only one more year before i re-join that world and I feel much more optimistic these days that I can make it what I want - fresh and enriching the way school never was - even if it includes a full-time job as a "lawyer"
And I am having an excellent time and have been ever since the very last day of classes. :) I think for a minute I was still wondering a lot about next year, my last year in school and what to do to make it a fruitful and enjoyable one. Meaning not at either end of the extremes of 1st or 2nd year --- but eventually I started living in the moment and really really enjoying it.
Hawaii was nearly perfect zen - of course- but another huge benefit was that it solidifed an important friendship for me which is a huge asset to have in my life. I did work while I was away and though I came back into chaos with the case I had been working on -- good fortune came our way and the case settled, a victory for my client, the organizng group (Women's Worker Project - deals with domestic workers, part of CAAAV) and the clinic. I wrapped up my other big project, an amicus brief, and even though I sat in the office after many had already departed - I felt an enormously high level of satisfaction seeing the close of two projects that had consumed my entire existence.
Before leaving for New Orleans I got to see people who are dearly important to me and just enjoy their company - not personally absorbed with all the imbalance that was my life. I felt normal. :)
New Orleans is fantastic because I've got a stellar group of roommates whose company I absolutely enjoy and whom are my "little family." We just have fun and do summer stuff and go to festivals and drink in the evenings and grill out together. And we entertain one another and all love hip hop music and celebrate R. Kelly's music. Did I mention our five bedroom house is unbelivable? with TVs in every room - gorgeous furniture and tons of space. Its almost like a summer retreat...
Except I am working hard, but I like the hard work I am doing. I am preparing a law suit for a group of guestworkers who came to this country on a temporary visa and whose employer exploited them --- even stealing their passports. We are working hard to show that that the H2-B Visa program is a modern-form of slavery. I am working with incredible lawyers based in LA who I had the wonderful chance to meet at a two day training here and a group of community organizers here in new orleans whose dedication to the work is tremondous and all just have a wonderful personal vibe to them. I felt comfortable around everyone immediately. :)
I have been reflecting a lot on the wonderful experiences I have had in my life that made me the person I am today - and although this adventure is temporary, as is so many of the things I am involved with - I can't help but get nostaligc over both the breadth and wealth of experiences I have been fortunate to have in my life.
The work I am doing now, it makes me feel like a lawyer - it shows me that although the law is not the grand solution for most of the problems in society - it still is a tool people rely on and that now I can actually - shockingly, feel like I can help facilitate it for others. I was so unbelievably lucky to have done the clinical program and be in the Immigrant Rights clinic this year because after all the challenges involved, it developed a competence inme. Tt finally gave me this sense that I have something to offer an organization. And its not just the clinic but is also my legal education. So just like everyone has always reminded me, the one-dimensional world I work in through the school year empowers me to tackle on the world when I get to be a "whole Reena."
So I haven't had a lot of those amazing experiences that make me feel alive over the past two years, but only one more year before i re-join that world and I feel much more optimistic these days that I can make it what I want - fresh and enriching the way school never was - even if it includes a full-time job as a "lawyer"
Friday, April 27, 2007
YEAR 2 LAW SCHOOL OVER
36 HOURS until HAWAII!!!!!!
2 weeks until Depositions?! or will the case settle?!
one month before New Orleans!!? 5 Bedroom HOUSE! New Orleans Worker's Center for Racial Justice!!! Community Lawyering!?
3 months until INDIA! New Delhi! Family! Shopping!
and then only ONE More year --- 9 months of the law school experience + godawful BAR
then then then
FREEDOM!!!!!!!
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