Intake

so tell me about your father..... your mother..... your sisters..... who are you the closest to?
is there anything else you would like to share?

i look down,
i speak in a voice not my own
as i quiver and shake
i shed that distance i created
retrieving the past dusty sitting on my shelf
he covers the questions on the page
the details lose their importance
despite my vulnerability hidden inbetween them
so i remain composed
my emotions are only inches away
flooding me for a moment as i exit the door

is it back?
i am not sure
yes i sleep too much
yes i cry sometimes
i think i can concentrate....
but i am not motivated
neither ambition, committment, nor responsibility drives me
and there is a war between the depressive hopeless self
and the optimistic comfortable self ....
who is content putting her current happiness ahead
of school, career and striving for the stars.

on the streets i am lost for a minute
then
back to the office
back to the people who are there but aren't ever really there
back to class
back to that boredom
but i am back to myself
comfortable in this skin
whether happy or depressed
adn thats a lot farther then last year.