From Old to New: Rajasthan to Tamil Nadu

Greetings from Madurai! I arrive yesterday evening after an incredibly exhausting two days. After my mother left on Friday evening, still enjoying Delhi life, I ate Indian McDonalds (the chicken McGrill has green chutney and is fabulous) and watched the OC with my cousin whois an avid fan, and stayed up late to watch Rang De Basanti Hai, which was excellent -the title song is the one I danced to imitating Smita at FOCAD for my law school peeps. I woke up the next morning to meet my grandparents (father's side)and do some fast shopping in Janpat before getting on an Air Conditioned coach back to the very alternate universe of Rajasthan and to visit the village I once called my home.

3 hours on a bus is like venturing to a different planet, and I must say i was extremely nervouse although I am not quite sure why. It had been two years since I had left, when I had orginially left I was so run down and such a mixed bag of emotions, I remember how confused I was when I was in England afterwards, frusturated by my experience, feeling as though I had contributed nothing -I felt that the village treated me like family but that they never comprehended the reasons why I went or what I was trying to accomplish with the school. 2 years later, I am confident at how valuable of a life experience I had in those six months and often feels that what I gained in that time is what separates me from my peers at law school who are in my "field" and from other Indian-Americans (ABCDs). I guess I was scared that- especially because I hadn't kept in touch at all over the last twoyears, my phone calls didn'twork, no one has email, and i can't write Hindi well enough tosend a letter - and letsface it I have been so busy with all my new experiences -i was scaredthat theywoudl be angry with me orthat I would comeback and feel like I never really mattered to them.

Anyways, travelling there was not a problem, and once i was with the people, it was just like home-I immediately connected with everyone. I was shocked to even see the2 year old whom I used tocare for- who is now four actually remembered me and easily came back into my arms. They said for two days he had been saying my name excited for my coming. The children were not at all shy with me and even with my Hindi being a bit rusty, we all were immediately laughing, joking and reminsicing. The people remembered every story I had told them, to thevery detail, they remembered how I liked my food cooked, and that i like sugar in my lassi and milk (buffalo's milk). They asked about my sister's wedding and whether the eldest sister, the doctor had met anyone, and even thatmy mom worked with children's clothing. In a short time, I got to meet with everyone that evening though in the morning they all had to run off to tend to their errands, rural life doesn't really stop for anything or anyone because it can't. This time I had perspective for it, I didnt' take it personally whcih I think i had at times before.

As great as it was to be back, especially around my children, since I unfortunately never get to interact with young people anymore- but I was also relieved to know I was moving forward with my life. Village life even for just a shortperiod oftime, is ultimately frusturating for me because of the lack of autonomy I have as a woman and as a member of a very large family. And it was exactly like that as I struggled to figure out how I was getting back to Delhi, especially in a timely manner, something thevillagers don't worry about. They will always be a second family to me, that much is clear, and I will go back, however never again during summer -it was 115 degrees and of course no elecricity and the night i was eaten alive by mosquitoes, and Bighana (the village) is the heart of my Indianness.
I think at 25 I have finally figured out how to be Indian but owning and honest about my American ness in India and American but proud and loving of my Indian culture/heritage in America.

That all said and done, now I am in Tamil Nadu and I am foreigner all over again, as I dont' knowany Tamil which is the langague all the people speak. But the good news isthat women have a lotmore freedom and I am staying in a flat with 4 other Indian women from all over India and working in a very amazing office full ofhard working dedicated people to Human Rights. I will finally discover how to organize in India, where as my earlier experience was really humbling myself and understanding the people. I am hungry to start working and am waiting to meet with my director today to get my assignment. I am also relieved to not be doing the kind of legalwork I believe US lawyers actually do, cause being here and away from school reminds me how diverse my interests are when it comes to Human Rights and development work. I just want tobe part of the movement and still feel like a simple girl who wants to help in whatever small way I can, in whatever capacity local peoples could best use me. I don't feel that different being a future lawyer, lookign for an avenue for a big profile case - but who knows maybe that will change. Please feel free to email me when you get a chance.
Lots of love,
Reena