Pointless

I am sitting here, with absolutely nothing in my life.  I am jobless, the person I thought was a potential for a real relationship turned out to be a monster (and I don't use that word lightly) and I can barely seek baseline medical services I am in need of.  I've been through hardships many times in my life but I thought they all served a purpose.  But after withstanding all of them, persevering setback after setback, with some faint hope that it will all lead to something, I look around and I have absolutely nothing.  What do I have to show for all my years of hard work, for all the efforts I put into my education, into my commitment to social justice? Nothing.  What about all those great networks and people who believed in me? Does that assist me in any way? Do I get anything back from everything I've given - no.  No one is in any position to help me out in anyway here. Vouch for me, give me an opportunity, believe in my potential even when I don't have every 1001 qualifications required.  I'll never be good enough for anything or anyone.  What is the point of even trying anymore? Is there not some alternative life I could choose to live that would not strip me of everything and make me feel so utterly without any sense of self worth?  That I was at least enjoying my life. I've got nothing to enjoy now.  I am bleeding money.  I am in such a sorry state of mind without any potential for resolution, how can I even enjoy a simple pleasure that I used to revel and celebrate.  Dancing, t.v., books, everything is a distraction but once I look up, all I see is the ground beneath me keep dropping.  A person like me, who just had one bad thing after the other, only get worse in the last one, two, three years, how can I realistically believe that the pendulum will swing? That my luck will change? That I am not just such a horribly worthless person that I don't deserve even the most basic good things to come to me.   I seriously I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear from the existence. I don't want even to run away because I'd just run right back here at some point.  I hate myself, my life and all the future has in store for me.