Lessons Learned

I can't help but think that my life is constantly teaching me a lesson to be non-attached, or detached or whatever. I had a 3 week battle with my landlord over getting the heat fixed and then it stopped working again and he disappeared. So I may have to pick up and move even though I found an apartment that I otherwise really like, set up and location, and feel like it was going to be my great comfort base to help me feel sane with this job, but yet its been nothing but a source of extreme anxiety and stress. I wanted it to work out - I wanted a space to call my own, that felt right and I could keep for more than one year. But things always push me out After I killed one mouse another popped up.

Everytime I think I've gotten stable and a little bit comfortable, life throws me a curve ball and I have to uproot in one way or the other. Is that normal for everyone? I feel like its this theme that if you start to find comfort, rely or depend on anything or anyone, the floor beneath your feet will fall out. Its a terrible feeling.

Its hard because I know that sometimes its luck and sometimes, i.e. with landlords, with the great power differential which is a struggle with all people facing oppression, in far worse conditions then myself - and the people I strive to help navigate the legal system to assert their rights. So i get mad at myself that I think I think I deserve anything more than an average person, a sense of entitlement is the disgusting aspect of being privileged. But on the other hand, i feel like the universe keeps reaffirming this sense, that developing any sense of attachment or breathing room is destructive for me, and I should be aloof and restless and keep moving so these battles will seem less big, because its a natural part of my life to uproot.

Who knows? I just want to be warm. :( It was all I really wanted to help me avoid potentially getting depressed in winter. I guess I'll have to fall back on that inner strength and adaptability that has gotten me this far in life