Sustainability, Monotony, Excitement...

all of these things lead to so many questions in my head. So after barely being in Chiang Mai for a period of three months (Dec - Feb), I spent 35 consecutive days here and am now going crazy. I love Chiang Mai because it is such a beautiful and comfortable life, extremely convenient and I feel like i should always appreciate these aspects, a complete 180 of my NY-Law school existence. And in the last 35 consecutive days I've had such an amazing time, going to the gym everyday and doing my personal training to really transform my body, partying with my friends until the wee hours, drinking and dancing for endless hours, meeting a boy who was actually interested in me and thought i was gorgeous and sexy, working close with the community and amazing women from Burma, time to catch up on rest and lie on the floor. But now i hate it. I hate all of it. Why? I hate monotony and routine. Even when i think i like it again I hate it. The thing about travelling is that it keeps you on your toes, even when it totally exhausts and depletes you. And I like missing Chiang Mai, but apparently i don't like actually staying here. Why do I constantly need excitement in my life? And alcohol and partying doesn't equal excitement. Sometimes I feel like this caricature of myself and it makes me nervous. Why do so few people actually know all my different sides? If my Chiang Mai Life is dissatisfying what is is that i actually want? And wouldn't I miss everything else? How do I come to terms with my life? Why is it always such an inner challenge to find some respite about all of this? Okay so I am off to travel on a short trip for work and maybe i just need that perspective to keep me in check.