Community, Culture & My Character Foil

So one of the awesome parts of my job is that I get to be involved in the outreach activities of MAP Staff so I am not removed from the community when i am working on migrant worker's issues. My staff is also all migrants themselves, with their own fascinating narratives and all a deep connection with the culture that ties them to their communities, mostly Shan culture which is an ethnic state in Burma bordering this area of Thailand. At the same time the staff is also very acclimated to Thai culture, can all speak Thai and have that same dual identity which one could feel amongst my parents and me in America, as immigrants and 1st generations American.

Working in this environment and walking the tightrope between cultures is a familiar place for me, in fact it somewhat defines my whole life narrative. My own personal struggle as a child between feeling like an outsider in both Indian and "American culture" but part of it, being drawn into other communities such as the black community but then rejected by them in a different environment such as when I went down to the South in North Carolina --- my experiences living in rural India with a very thick culture that swallowed me whole and maintaining my sense of own values during my assimilation, and even law school - feeling like a fish out of water and uncomfortable in my own skin for a large part but paving my way nevertheless --- those are just few slices of cultural confusion I've felt over the years.

In a lot of ways, Thailand is easy. It doesn't expect too much for me. I am trying to learn the language to be closer and more integrated but I can easily survive without it and I am blessed with a staff who is willing to include me despite the language barrier. In the evenings, I can retreat to my own home, and go to the gym and I can find a bagel with lox if I want and I can stay closely connected with friends at home via internet and skype, i can go see a movie in English at the mall... So if I start to feel alienated at any moment by my surroundings, i have a refuge of familiarity and comfort, in fact one that i find more comforting than what i had for the past three years in New York.

And my easygoing nature, which has in some forms been labeled a flaw for the last three years - is an asset here, and i am flexible and able to go along with the flow and I find it rare to be in a situation where my personal needs make my current environment difficult. I flow well in the group situations and value the community mentality that trumps the individualism that made it so difficult to for intimate relationships for the past couple of years.

The Canadian volunteer here, she is incredibly judgmental. She is judgmental in a way, where she questions the rationale behind everything and constantly proffers her opinion of what is a better way to have things done. This can be grating in any situation but in a different culture, the "ugly american" or in this case the "ugly canadian" syndrome is at its worse. I find the way she speaks with our staff patronizing and condescending, but assumed that perhaps they didn't catch on. I find her judgments about NGO structure naiive and uninformed, and ignore her criticisms about the process of builidng consensus - I choose not to explain the need for a power-sharing structure, and I ignore her criticisms about the inefficiency of allowing the staff to decide how much to contribute back of their bonus or salaries to the organization and do not tell her that it is a problematic top-down approach to simply deduct people's salaries. In a world of labour rights especially, I assume she just doesn't understand the culture of it, and I gently tried to tell her that me being American does not make me agree with her point of view but without explaining to her at full length.

And she gets really upset when she can't have things her own way - if she cant' get a breakfast she wants or more vegetables in her food or if we don't' eat on a schedule that works with her. I stayed quiet for most of her tenure, as I have been incredibly busy with my projects, traveling and do not have to work with her. But we had a few group meetings recently where she started to really annoy me. I didn't think I was in a position to really say anything, probably should be my boss, but I also started to feel she is really disrespectful to our staff as she criticizes everything they do and how they choose to do it. And then it became apparent with how much love and affection they show me, how out of place she was. I finally broke my silence to admit to my staff how I felt this weekend when we were away because I needed to avoid her to keep my own sanity for the trip. And it all came out with how much they have been feeling like she doesn't understand Thai/Burmese culture but also that they can see that part of it is just her personality. Many of them try to be diplomatic about it, accepting blame for not understanding "Western" culture but I told them its not their job to adapt to her ways, she is the one who willing came here. Despite encouragement from my college friends to speak up to her, I've decided to let it go because I feel no need to judge her judgemental ways. She leaves next week anyway.

But I think the important lesson for me, or perhaps its just a verification --- is that there are a lot more set of skills necessary for the work I am doing here that I knew were undervalued in the legal profession but that are truly important for my approach to social change that I am good at- one is navigating different cultures and communities and being welcomed in. Even though I've had the opportunity to do a lot of substantive work in my first three months here in Thailand, I also know that a lot of my time is spent just to establish relationships with people and trust to set the stage and enable future work and positive working relationships.

I also know that I do not need to become Shan or Burmese or Thai - that I can be Indian and American and celebrate my identities and indulge in them, if its just by going out to a hip hop club one night, or cooking indian food for my staff on diwali or whatever.

Although I spend a lot of time reflecting on situations, its part of my personality, I also feel a lot more confident in where I belong and what I need and that helps to keeps me a happy person.

In fact one of my fave mentors and friends said to me:

I'm so happy to hear that you are doing well! I'm not surprised that you found your way to something wonderful. You may have had some bumps in the road, but it's because you take risks and are in tune with yourself and engaged with your surroundings. Lots of people take the easy way, or if they take a risk and try something new, are not as in tune with what fulfills them so tolerate all kinds of scenarios that are not ideal for them. I feel like you honor yourself by examining what truly makes you happy, and that is inspiring. I could afford to do more of that for sure.