The Bold and the Beautiful

Who says you can't escape from your life? Well at least one version of your life to another. I left the New Orleans chaotic storm of desperate need/Los Angeles professional identity crisis to the simple New Delhi World of lehenga shopping (the Indian outfits with the short top and long skirt for those who don't know) and family wars. How fun? And with New Delhi I escaped the first week of envelope stuffing meet and greet and pretend to care of law school and depressing reality of 8 more months in that culture.... I escaped the first week but much of it and more is awaiting my return.

THE BEST ESCAPE: the Bollywood movie. I mean that's why they are made? In the US the romatic comedy is some fantasy that your life is supposed to STRIVE for, and frankly I hate it. On the other hand the Bollywood is so fantastical and nonsensical that no one in India or anywhere would ever imagine life to play out that way...right? I mean living in a small remote village it was like being whisked away......but you never underappreciated your life as a result.

I was told i was not "imaginative" recently -- I was as a youth. But as an adult I find it depressing, like it is a sign of being dissatisfied with your surroundings. Or liek you were waiting for something to happen.... i.e. to fall in love which i still think its bullshit. My boss tried to teach me imagination still had a useful place in your life.... I am always trying to reflect reflect and analyze... it exhausting.

And what has been so profound is that despite the constant confrontation of Reena, pick your life path by people, I have actually remained totally resistant. Like, I still don't know. And I am okay with it. Personally, at least with myself. It drives me crazy if I have to provide someone else an answer, cause frankly I feel like I am conjuring up whatever will satisfy them. But it doesn't mean that I am only trying ot satisfy other people, I am just like not feeling driven in a certain direction right now. Other times in my life I have been. I am not right now.

So in India, instead of meditating on the many choices that lie ahead of me in my life, I have sorta just started to imagine. I have vivid ridiculous dreams. I watch the Bold and the Beautiful soap opera and it doesn't make me consider my own life. Its ridiculous. I don't reflect on my identity of being Indian and American -- I have chosen not to sit and consider whether or not I could live in New Delhi when I graduate or work here, I have simply made an outfit just like Aishwarya Rai's in Bunty or Babli and imagine myself doing the dance. (which I have to learn).

I am not going to lie, the stress is still somewhere roaming in me, and when my sister snaps at me and tries to advise me on "getting my work done" -- I get riled up and emotional and I want to hit her. I just want to be neither here nor there nor anywhere.